You, sir, can eat a bag of dicks....

So, I'm going to the gym, training, being better about what I eat. (Shut it Miffy, I'm still burning more than I eat even if one day a month lunch is pizza dipped in bacon with a side of pb cups swimming in froyo.) I'm not a small person, but I'm at a fine weight for my height. I just don't like that number, for moral reason - the scale is a lying whore mainly. Doctor is fine with my ass in its natural state. I don't like the number, me, no one else, me. So I'm working on it.

But, there's this math that just doesn't add up for me. I've calculated my recommended daily intake (RDI). My phone app says 1800, good, okay, reasonable. Livewell says 1500, eh, not going to make that goal most of the time. But GNC and my insurance company both say my BMI is moderately overweight and my RDI should be 1200-1300.

If I lived off veggies and protein shakes made with water, was able to deal with the horrible tire-fire, garbage leather doughnut eruption syndrome it causes, and didn't start eating office supplies I could barely swing those numbers.

I think it's all a very creative ploy. GNC wants me to buy their sunshine and rainbow supplements to calm the hungry hungry bitchy hipo in my head enough to function. The insurance company wants me to snap after one too many protein "leaks" and sugarsluts taunting me with their non-touching thighs and armloads of transfat carb popsicles they call lunch. They want me to go to jail so they don't have to pay for my "overweight" medical care. What they fail to understand is that it wouldn't be a little snap, and I would blaze the "underweight" trail right to their door.

1300 + me = Satan with a carb hangover and a very sadistic ice cream detox persona. My BMI can kick their BMI's ass any day and it's going to stay that way. So, they can eat a bag of dicks, I hear they're low fat.


To keep up with my promised agenda, now, more things I intend to teach children just because I can.
Lie of the night:
After a certain age, the human body cannot digest dairy. If you have enough ice cream in a single day, catch it as it comes out, and re-freeze it, you can have another sundae!