You have challenged my honor

So, Miffy Shorts has totally slapped me with her blog-glove and challenged me to a duel. So, I will now answer said afront.

Let's start with the glaring absurdity of her post.
Why in the hell would she list NINE names? Is she crazy or just wish to be driven to it by the hormones of that many pregnancies and subsequent new people?

The pact is accurate and healthy, not cheerleader-style at all. I quite honestly believe that our children would be "mortal enemies" in a manner similar to us. Arguments, research, sometimes walking away because she's stubborn, or I'm right. It always ends with me coming to the accurate conclusion that camel doesn't go with black and her ignoring that but allowing me to talk. Healthy banter, your mom jokes, occasional non-stitches requiring beat downs, and political discord are part of a kids food pyramid. Right?
Yeah, that sounds right.

As for Miff's name choices, she did remember hers with acceptable accuracy. I think she forgot that I am as creative as a child in grade school but have the vocabulary of an atheist pirate hooker sailor Marine in a poop and incendiary firefight. So, I will share with my readers my obviously unheeded warnings to her:

• Prima is a terrible idea. Everyone finishes that sentence with Donna. Terrible. Unless it's a boy and he sings on Broadway, preferably in Jersey Boys.
• Ironhide does have a porn-star flair. I see camel-colored leather ass-less chaps with a fringe - but no black.
• Inferno is mine, regardless of where she "rents" for 9 months. Yes, she. So it is written and so it shall be. Deal.

As for my singular child, who will surely need at least a couple of your politically incorrect Autobots to hang with, she did forget a name or two. I've added my comments to my selections as well as the ones she forgot.

1. Megatron - there is nothing more that you can say to make this more awesome, unless you pair it with an equally dominant middle name. Caliber, Incendiary, Tannerite? I'm also considering selling this space.
2. Starscream - for a girl, who will be a fighter pilot. I'm hesitant to suggest the word "scream" be uttered near a tiny human, lest she get ideas.
3. Ramjet - who can star in movies with Miffy's Ironhide.
4. Rampage (accepted as a suggestion) - readers will come to learn that this can be my nature. I'm not sure I'd like to suggest this, but parents say they know their kids when they see them. If the kid's head-vein bulges when it cries, then it has my rage and we should probably warn people.

I also considered Barrage, Shrapnel, Overkill and Bonecrusher. I love the perceived personality (and cool ass car) of Barricade, but that just seems to be asking for the child to rip my funbox from navel to crack. Bonecrusher might have the same issue, so for my one and only, I'm leaning toward Megatron.

Anyone know where I could get red contacts for a fetus?

It's my blog, I'll offend if I want.

Now that my fit of rage has been sated by drinking the blood of my enemies then throwing it up all over their front step, I shall attempt my introductory post again.

I just don't care if I offend you. There's precious little, other than my husband saying I have muffin-top in my underwear, which is just unnecessary, that even mildly milks my offense teat. I disagree with lots and will just plain say so, and I will discuss with anyone why I form the opinions I have. Growth comes from expressing your perspective and having it turned upside down, sometimes gang-raped, and then evaluating the remnants. So, if you aren't prepared for your ideals to take a big, throbbing love-truth up fart box, check out now.

So, you're still here. Interesting. Well then, without delay...

I had other terms, but I shall address those at another time. For tonight, the origin story.

Imagine for me that you have been collecting vagina goop samples for about a week. Take those samples, beat them into a smooth butter. Now, imagine frosting someone's face with that non-dairy topping. You saw it didn't you? Someone particular's face, someone you would consider basting with your tuna-tapenade. That person is a twatwaffle. Someone you would ruin your mixer and potentially your career for in that glorious way is the very definition of the word, and the inspiration for this blog. My intention is to give voice to all the beaver butter recipes of justice so that one day we can, together, find a way to humorously and legally deal with those who would waffle our twats.

Suck it, Tribeck.

Blogger, why in the crap would you think I would want to delete everything out of a published post and then move it to a draft?

I had a great introduction to the terminology you'll experience here at Dear Twatwaffle, but fuckitall if Blogger didn't suck it up like Honey Boo Boo will one day lap up many a butter covered dicks to make ends meet.