So, you're caught up.
Now I have a question for fitness buffs out there. Crossfitters, OCR girls, athletes with teats in general, whatev:
Have you ever burpeed and squat box jumped so hard you partially ejected your tampon?
I have made a complete ass out of myself in several awful ways: broke a bone in the top of my foot by stepping into a cat bowl; underwear friction burn on my clit making me penguin walk; broke 2 toes doing a cartwheel (poorly) in a hotel hallway 100% sober.
I did not understand what "until failure" truly means in the fitness world.
I'm going along hating the burpees but feeling like a badass because I was sucking it up and even doing pushups with them. Came up at the end of 25 feeling off. I started checking stuff off: abs in, back flat, knees soft.... wth, okay. Next up 52 seconds of squat box jumps.
Abs in, check.
Knees soft, check.
Land in a squat ass tight, check.
Repeat and...
OH WHAT THE BLOODY HELL. Partial poon plug ejection.
Okay, I've got great muscle control, I'll just.... flex it back in, finish out the class and secure it. Let me tell you, as soon as you stop you have the instructor's attention and the eyes of all 3 men in class and the suction power of my coot is severely diminished. Period performance anxiety I guess?
I try anyway. Feel like it's good enough to wait for the break at least.
10 seconds of jumps left.
Abs in, check.
Knees soft, check.
Land in a squat ass tight, check.
SHIT. There is no sucking that up. So I walk out of class trying to clench in a way that prevents this squishy little surprise from snaking its way out of my thong.
Since I was woefully unprepared for jettison powers Crossfit kegels so I built a TP barricade and hoped for the best.
Now you know the real dangers of burpees. Secure your strings ladies.
