Jesus wants you to learn to drive

Something has been lurking the rearview mirror of my brain lately and finally dawned on me today. Christians cannot drive.

Why? Lord if I know, but ever person who has nearly killed me on the roadways in the last month has had the sticker of our local Christian shitty rock radio station on it.

Yukon drifting 2 tires over into my lane mid-intersection. Christian radio. Jesus is love! And apparently fucking blind.
Stupid Taurus that changed lanes 3 times in the solid line construction zone without one single blinker? How great is His love and this tools stupid?
Tapping the breaks every 5 seconds down a busy highway and then waiting to the last second to slam them on when riding up on someone? Jesus died for my sins - does that include murdering this stupid ass?

How about this. Stop listening to how awesome your god is, or how awful sinners are, and learn to drive. Jesus or God or the Spaghetti monster gave you a brain, so you say, please fucking use it to operate the 1-2 ton metal thing in a manner that convinces me that God didn't Lazarus Helen Keller and give her a license. Try the basics first like driving in a straight line forward when the light is green. Then take footprints in the sand size steps towards changing lanes without Jesus taking the wheel. Advanced items like proper roundabout usage and using non-suicide turn lanes is only for those right with the Lord and should not be attempted by the recently baptized.

Jesus wants you to learn to drive and goddammit, so do I.