Now a few friends have tried it and I believe the term is "Satan's asshole." From pregnancy-level mood swings to being consumed with a violent rage, they didn't really feel blissful. I'm a generally hostile person, subject sudden bouts of psycho viper bitch anyway so enjoy the ride with me. If the post abruptly stop, I'm in jail and should remain there until I've fully detoxed for the safety of all.
Dose 1:
Well fuck buckets. No caffeine allowed. Is that for the 5 days of 7 I take this, or forever and ever, amen? I know there's a pill in this that's supposed to help with moods, but I don't think it's strong enough for my coffee rages. Fine. Fuck. Whatever.
12 oz of water, 3 pills. Then I eat. OF COURSE people are going to lose weight on this, you drink an asston of water.
10 minutes in I've eaten and I've thrown up in my mouth. Twice. The first time it just tasted like citrus and I thought if this is just OJ concentrate I'm going to be pissed. Then I did it again and yup, there it is, the flavor of breakfast mixed with ass. Delish.
90 minutes in I'm a goddamn superhero! With literally the shittiest power ever. I can smell everything. My purse smells like the bacon we cooked last week. My yoga pants could stand a wash. The cat just peed in the litter box....downstairs. The dog just ate a "cat treat" from that litter box. Either I'm Super Smeller Girl, or I'm having a stroke.
Couple hours in I'm teething again. More accurately, I'm drooling like I'm teething. All the water I've been drinking is coming back our from under my tongue - I've invented reverse urination. And I changed my pants. Leaning towards stroke more now.
Took a hit off my inhaler because of some morning wheezing, this "no stimulant" stipulation is serious business. I'm can feel all my cells dancing. Before you worry, this isn't that unusual when I use my inhaler, lasting a bit longer than I'm used to though. Teal meth is yummy!
I vibrate less when I do jumping jacks. However, husband said I shouldn't do them in the office because there's no floor supports. I think he's calling me fat. Yeah, he's calling me fat. Hello, taking pills for that. Ass! He made me lunch though, and that lessened the drooling. He gets a pass.... for now. I have another dose to take, then we'll see.... He also told me I'm writing like Hunter S. Thompson, SCORE!
Dose 2:
I just did 4:30 of hovers. And tricep dips, for fun. So I'm definitely peppier. And I get more now! Yay, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie! Actually, I was just starting to feel normal, oh well. Snacks and drugs, best time of the day. I've also managed to not use my daily allowance of aggression so far. Go me!
I am sweating my balls off. Like hovers made the space between my boobs a drainage ditch of sweat that did a loop in my belly button. Salty and SEXY. Give me a lick ;)
Couple hours in, exercise? Still drooling, though on the dog walk I was mostly spitting and dragging them along so they don't pee in every single yard. On a 50 minute trek, I'm drooling/spitting, and one of the dogs has the shits. Bright orange shits, in a snow bank, in front of a business that is open. Being a decent person I try to clean it up with a bag, so I'm drooling, spitting, and now gagging because it's rancid, like I'm actually dripping drool when bent over. Fucking superpowers. Let me tell you, I better get cut from this stuff, because I've never felt hotter.
Thankfully, I didn't take my shirt off because I've created another thing.... pitting out a shirt to below tit level.
Day one verdict? MOIST.
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